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I don't like you. Hell, I don't even love you. You make me sick to my stomach and I feel like you don't give a damn about anything. Either that or you're incredibly oblivious to your surroundings. I wish you would just move back home and out of my life forever.

It tears my heart to shreds to be pregnant with your child and despise you so much at the same time. In the mornings, I wake with dread, because I know you'll be there when I roll over.

You are the biggest mistake of my life. How I wish I could turn back time.

And shame on me for not realizing this before I jumped all the way. You gave me all the signs and I ignored them, like some damn fairy tale princess in love.

We've been married for two months now, and there's not one day I can think of that I've been thankful for that.

You make me hate myself.

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
voyageofdreams
Sep. 30th, 2008 08:14 pm (UTC)
:( I'm sorry.

Maybe your child will help you to see your husband differently. And if not that's ok too.
sorryyouasked
Sep. 30th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
Perhaps. I do hope something changes, because living like this is painful.
voyageofdreams
Sep. 30th, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
Does he have any idea how you feel? would counseling help?

(you dont have to answer of you dont want to)
sorryyouasked
Sep. 30th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure that he does know I feel. Counseling has been recommended before, but it's something he refuses to try. Or, at least, I know he's refused it for his own benefit in the past. I know I shouldn't assume that he'd be against counseling for our marriage, but I do. Every night I tell myself I'll work up the courage to talk to him. Instead, when he gets home, I get upset with him for him being the way he is, and I'm too mad to talk, afraid to say things that are really mean.
mrsvickie
Sep. 30th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
It takes a LOT for them to understand they need to go to counseling.
sorryyouasked
Sep. 30th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
yeah, i'm finding out it takes a LOT for him to understand anything I'm trying to say.
voyageofdreams
Sep. 30th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
Maybe you can write him a letter telling him you want to go to counseling that way you don't have to face him and have all these angry feels come to the surface when you try.
miss_artiga
Sep. 30th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)
This is a really good idea. Writing a letter will also give you the opportunity to gather your thoughts and figure out why you feel the way you feel. I hope this something you guys can work through. You will be in my prayers.
sorryyouasked
Sep. 30th, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. I think it's a good idea, too.
sorryyouasked
Sep. 30th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
I've often thought of doing this, but thought it might be just me finding some sort of escape and not actually facing it. But, at least that way I can say what I want to say, and I'll KNOW that if he didn't hear it, he definitely read it.

Thanks, I think I'm definitely going to try this.
frknrica
Oct. 1st, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
damn. i'm REALLY pissed off at my husband right now, but i can't imagine feeling the way you do. i'm sorry to hear it.
sorryyouasked
Oct. 1st, 2008 01:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'm sure that at least a part of it is chalked up to pregnancy hormones. ... I hope.
frknrica
Oct. 1st, 2008 01:34 pm (UTC)
yeah those hormones can really mess with your emotions. i've been there (twice)!
batswing
Oct. 1st, 2008 06:06 am (UTC)
Oh sweetheart, how awful for you!
But can I ask - is this something you felt before you were pregnant? I'm not at all dismissing your feelings, they're real and valid, but it's really, really common for women who're pregnant to absolutely despise their partners (hell, the whole world) for a while.
sorryyouasked
Oct. 1st, 2008 01:23 pm (UTC)
There were times that I felt some of that before I found out I was pregnant. There were definitely problems before. Of course, it's gotten worse since I've been pregnant. I've had lots of people tell me that they all hated their husbands while they were pregnant. I do try really hard not to let my emotions right now rule things, because I do know I'm temporarily just out there right now. But still, regardless of what I feel, he doesn't do or act anyway to make anything better. I dunno. I just needed to vent and say mean things so I didn't say them to him.
batswing
Oct. 1st, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
I understand.
Hope that after the infamous '4th tri' things calm down and you manage to more easily work out whether you're better off with or without him.
Good luck.
sorryyouasked
Oct. 1st, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I sure hope so, too!
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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