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Dear Hubs,

You are such an intelligent man. But why do you load the dishwasher like a baboon?


Sep. 16th, 2009

Dear Eventual Husband,

I'm tired of Uncle Sam. Yeah. You heard me. Tired of it. But it's okay. You're good at your job, thus I won't complain too much. I hope you're behaving yourself. You know how I get when you're away...but you also know why I get like that.... *ahem*
I just want you to know I love you. I miss you. And I want to thank you ahead of time for putting up with me when you come home as I put you on trial as to see if you behaved yourself.

I hope you don't screw this up.

Be safe.
See you soon.
Dawn. (Prosecuting Lawyer.) haha

Aug. 27th, 2009

Dear you.

Thank you for finally realizing what you want in life. Me. A life with me. A future family with me.

Thank you for losing the 'I need justification from everyone and attention from all things lovely' attitude and finally realizing the ONE person who's been here for you through PTSD from the war, the ex-fiance troubles you had, the alcohol problems you had..the plethora of other problems you had..that turned into problems WE had. We've been a team for a long time. Sometimes I was the only one playing..but we were a team nonetheless, deep down.

Thank you for finally breaking down and crying in front of me when you realized what you wanted.

However, I do NOT thank you for all the pain and lies and shitty acts you've done over the past 5 years. And I ask of you to bear with me while I rebuild alot of trust. For that, you're still a goddamn jerk.

But for once, I see a change and I know we are finally ready. Both of us.

Your not quite yet wife.

Thank You

My Dearest Husband,

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my hero, thank you for protecting America and helping keep us free. Thank you for enduring long weeks of pre-deployment training, thank you for calling every minute you can ( just to hear me breathe). Thank you for coming home and letting me sleep in while you get up with our babies and making sure the house is clean before I wake up. Thank you for believing in me, and being my biggest supporter. Thank you Tanner, for being my husband.

I am truly blessed.


Your Wifey.
Dear Helper Helperton.


I'm tired of it. Seriously. Here I am, lone housewife while you work 40+ hours a week. And I'm okay with it. I'm okay with you wanting me to just stay home. Fine. Whatever. Even though I'd prefer to work...
But for the love of God, can you let me be the housewife! Don't yell at me when I clean the house that I can't touch this and I can't touch that, and that you don't want me to use the carpet scrubber because you want to do it. You act like there is a science to using it...THERE ISN'T. It's a freaking scrubber. You just like to have your hands in everything. OH WAIT! You want your hands in everything all the time, but you never actually GET IT DONE.

Instead, you take the scrubber to your mothers house while you are using her washer and dryer while she's at work.

It's been up there for 2 weeks.
She's a grown woman. If she wants her carpets scrubbed. She'll freaking scrub them.

In the meantime, our house (THAT WE DON'T OWN, WE FREAKING RENT) is getting cruddier and cruddier every day because you can't take your work boots off at the door...on the rug placed there specifically for shoes!!!!!!!!!
I'm getting sick and tired of everyone getting all of your energy...and me, just getting your mouth.

If we need something fixed...it takes weeks. If someone else needs something fixed, you bring it home, and diddle around with it.

Stop trying to be everyone's saviour.

If we're ever going to be a family...can you start acting like it at home first?

This is just a small example. There's not enough ink in the world to write everything that's happened in the past 5 years like this...

Thanks.....for the irritation.

Life's turns

Dear Wasband,

I know the degradation of our marriage was painful for both of us, and I'm sorry that I ended up causing you extra pain in the end. But I'm so glad for the relationship we have now. I know in anger you've said things to scare me, but I'm grateful for your integrity in keeping to responsibilities you agreed to. I'm glad we can be friends and sometimes have dinner together. I appreciate your support and your acceptance of my friendships.

I never once thought we'd be in the situation we're in now. I'm glad you feel comfortable asking me for help with your dating website profile. You've got a lot more to offer than you think. I'm glad you can still be friends with the guys I'm seeing. Perhaps we never should have gotten married, but I don't doubt for a moment I made a good choice in choosing you to be a part of my family. I hope you can grow to be more confident in yourself and enjoy life.

Thank you for the good times we shared in dating and marriage in the past, and thank you for being my friend now. I appreciate you.

May. 24th, 2009

Dear Husband,

I love you with all my heart. We've been through thick and thin over these last 15 years. I look forward to the next 15 if you can promise not to be so angry for breathing. It's time to start solving problems and not trying to drink them into the corner. Addictions are hard. I understand that with every ounce of my being. You are a much stronger and believable man without it. Please pour your heart into your actions.
My beloved husband,

You are driving me nuts. There have been a couple times in the last couple days that I would just like to strangle you.

Behind a cut to save your pagesCollapse )

My dear little jellyfish......

Dear husband,

There are somethings I think you should know.  Okay actually, there is a very long list of things. But for times sake, I will keep this brief.

1. When you clip your nails, if drives me nuts. The sound alone will send me up a wall most times. So why don't you do that while i'm at the store? or at work? or even in the bathroom...

2. When you clip your nails, it drives me even more nuts that you feel the need to clip them onto the carpet. 1. it hurts to step on your hard fingernails and 2. it's GROSS!

3. Please learn to do dishes. Or take the trash out. or put the dishes away....SOMETHING!

4. Dirty washclothes go in the HAMPER not on the bathroom floor. The HAMPER is in the closet next to the bathroom. if you need a map to it, I will be more than happy to draw you one....not that you use maps or anything but that's another note.

5. Peeing in empty bottles....please let's not go THERE again....

6. and one final thing...those dirty socks next to the computer, yeah I know what they're from/for. remove them and place in hamper....or you will not have clean socks to wear to work.

I married you because I love you. Not to become your mommy figure/slave/whatever.

So PLEASE do more around the house. Before I attempt to shove a wooden spoon up your butt.....


Tonight is garbage night. This is the night when you go out back, behind the apartment and drag the garbage can out to the curb for the man in the big green truck to take away. Thank you.

your Wife of 2 1/2 yrs

Dear Steve,

Perhaps you should have been a garbage man, you're so good at throwing shit out. I have very little pleasures in life- what, with working 7 days a week, keeping you and a 7 year old entertained, being unable to take a bath without being interrupted every 8 minutes by you, or the kid, or one of the various cats...

Reading the few magazines I get is a simple joy I have. One that keeps me occupied while you're watching your sports, or Unsolved Mysteries. If you keep throwing away magazines I HAVE NOT READ YET, I am going to stab you in the nose.

... Okay, I won't really stab you, but it's getting to be really annoying. Just don't touch my stuff! If you are in doubt at all as to if you should toss something, DON'T!! Two brand new magazines that I didn't even get to skim... What a waste.

Your not amused wife